Dear Prime Minister,

Congratulations on appointing Michaelle Jean as our Governor General and the new face of Quebec, oops sorry, Canada.

For many years now, my drinking buddies have been telling me that I have a post-colonial hangover large enough to represent the Queen in our home and native land.

But I have said "no way man" because unlike them, I know a dark secret about myself--I have never worked for CBC.

Your appointment of Michaelle "Who" to Rideau Hall, however, has made my reservations go 'le-poof', hence this letter of application to be the next Governor General.

First of all let me confess that I, like the majority of Canadians west of the Ottawa River, don't know and have not heard of Michaelle, who some say is an obscure Haitian-born TV host from French CBC.

I say, what's wrong with being obscure.

You have shown courage by overlooking the likes of Don Cherry, Bono and the Molson "I am Canadian" guy by going for Michaelle the obscure.

Like Michaelle, I am smart and obscure, have a winning personality and don't know much about politics or Canada's constitution so you don't have to worry about any parliamentary crisis. Just tell me what to do.

I like to travel, especially if someone else pays for it, speak three languages, two of which cannot be understood by Canadians and have been to several universities in pursuit of academic freedom by not attending classes.

I have a natural born tan, am a little younger than Michaelle and am working on removing the tobacco stains on my front teeth, which I must say was taken out participating in Canada's national game--watching hockey in a bar.

Like Michaelle, whose spouse is a recipient of taxpayer largesse to make documentaries; my partner has applied for funding from the National Film Board for a project with outgoing Vancouver Mayor Larry Campbell entitled, Should the Senate have a Safe-injection Site or in short The 4 S'es .

As far as journalism awards go, I have my fair share of prizes and am especially proud of the recognition given to me by the Bangkok Transgender Writers Guild for my visual presentation on the LadyBoys of Pattaya.

I live in the primo-immigrant enclave of Whalley where you don't have to say you are Surrey, so no problems with western alienation there.

I have a pet iguana, which could be Canada's first lizard and if it is the pitter-patter of little feet in Rideau Hall that you want, wait till my son gets home from Amsterdam.

Mr. Prime Minister, given that your choice of the charming and attractive Michaelle was driven by politically correct multiculturalism and the lamentable state of the Liberal party in certain parts of the country, I can assure you that making me the next Governor General will ensure that there is no erosion from this state of affairs.

Some people suggest that there are other worthy candidates like Wally Oppal, B.C.'s Attorney General and former Appeal Court judge, Preston Manning of the Reform Party and Joe Clark, who held your office for a short time.

While they all may be worthy, you run the risk of them using their expertise and knowledge to thwart Liberal designs for the nation.

In the event, these chaps or I do not fit the bill, may I suggest another great Canadian--Tie Domi.

You can see him on Saturday nights on CBC.

Yours truly,

I. Wannabe GeeGee II